There are several friends that seem to carry multiple personalities with them. At any given time, depending on setting, who else is there, and time of day, you are never sure “who” is going to be present! Recently I found myself in a debate with a good friend where I did not recognize who he was in the conversation. As our discussion slowly moved from a collegial discussion among long term friends with shared values and viewpoints to an adversarial debate with no know values in common, I found myself increasingly mystified.
What was the purpose of our discussion? Did we have a shared view on the background and context of our meeting? Were we trying to get to the same destination? My candid assessment on the fly was a resounding “unknown” across the board! My gut level reaction, looks like a wisdom move in hindsight, was to pause our conversation so that I could deal with a lucky and perfectly timed emergency call.
In the pause, I decided that I would gently revisit my assumptions to reaffirm our intent. As we restarted the new conversation, the surprises continued.
It seems that he was as confused as I was! Whatever signals I was giving, they were as confusing for him as his signals were for me. The positive reset discussion reminded us of what we admired in each other; “no shuffling or stumbling around for this one, but a sterling and solid and lasting reputation.” (Psalm 112.06)
As I considered the new information, I rediscovered a fresh appreciation of how difficult it is to see or even imagine one’s self in the mirror real time. I had been so confident that the problem was 100% on his side. With the benefit of time, space, and looking back, I am not so sure.
As an old friend reminded me and others, silence and times of stillness are friends of work and productivity, not enemies! Showing up is a part of a first step; taking care to show up with the right heart makes that step complete.
