As more and more of my hair is dominated by the color gray, I find myself less and less willing to tell anyone what the answer to a personal question in their life is. Choices, alternatives, and options are all part of the freedom that is a gift residing deep within us. Even when an answer is obvious and beneficial, I have not found it helpful to anyone if I offer my solution in exchange for the engagement and responsibility that freedom demands from them.
The themes I find consistent in my relationships, including my relationship with Divinity, are along the following lines.
Anyone looking out for the best interests in others creates space for them to reflect, learn, grow, and live. Life is never about the destination; it is always about the process of living. At times this is shown by questioning. On other occasions it is simply creating space for them to think as the Psalmist noted; “You took back your sin-provoked threats, you cooled your hot, righteous anger.” (Psalm 85.3)
Creating opportunities for people to succeed does not mean that they will. Discouragement, darkness, and a sense that one needs to impose their will are all natural responses. Respect to the way Divinity is working with another leads me to a different approach as I age; be present, be helpful, and try not to dominate.
Remember that the answers you think are so obvious may not be to another. Additionally, they may not be the “best” ones either! Unconscious bias, lifting from our narrative as an answer for another, and tradition all play a part. If you asked me what I need when I am the other, my answer would be the following; Dialogue, questions I should wrestle with, and compassion are top priorities.
Today comes with the usual chaos, uncertainty, and conflicting demands. There is much to be done. Giving and using the space needed is a useful point. Being available to the touch and wisdom of others follows. With these, it is time to take responsibility, living life fully and completely.
