Years ago I was listening to the wisdom of an Irish Catholic nun. As we sat in her office, she looked at me intensely as my question on the best techniques to lead a group disappeared into silence. I felt I was being examined, not in a bad way, but in a way that would measure my ability to hear the answer.
“Bill, one cannot control a group. One can influence through participation. One can invite with a word. A group is what a group is. The whole determines the personality, not an individual.”
Events remind me this is still true. It is easy to look at a group’s behavior and pin the outcome on one person. We like scapegoats! S/he assumes the responsibility that is ours. We have a role to play wherever we find ourselves. When others look away, it is easy to assume that we are off the hook. I find myself grasping the idea, using it as an excuse to not take a stand when I should.
When someone makes an observation about a group (team, community, or gathering), it is a good idea to slow down and listen. Even if there is an agenda on her/his part, there is usually an element of truth within the comment. When someone says, “I’m not at all pleased. I am getting the picture that when you meet together it brings out your worst side instead of your best!” (1 Corinthians 11.17) We would do well do listen.
A question always follows. What can or should I do.
My natural tendency is to work on the outcome. I should be able to lead the group. I want to drive a transformation. I forget the truth that a group is what a group is. The reminders for myself include the following.
Our calling is to live.
Our freedom is our own. Another’s freedom is her/his own.
We can support, nurture, and at times instruct. We cannot live for another.
Acting with compassion, community, and collaboration is at the heart of be part of the greater story.
