Until today, I could not remember flying without pain. I know the time existed, but must have been a long time ago. Severe chronic sinusitis does not go away. Last night I approached flying from New York to London with mixed emotions. The fear and anxiety that came, as my mind remembered every prior experience, was real and tangible through every sense in my body. My faith in the work of a previously unknown surgeon was now under the test of gut wrenching reality.
I did everything I know I should do before flying. I drank lots of water and stayed away from milk, sugar, as well as a host of other potential food hazards. I tried to relax, get plenty of rest, and maintain an appropriate moisture level for my nose. Everything I did was to bolster the Doctor’s work as well as hedge my own failing confidence in the surgery two plus weeks before.
I sure my actions would have the Doctor puzzled, perhaps laughing, and even a little angry! After everything he had done, I still did not trust that his work was good enough! Even though he checked me thoroughly the morning before flying and gave me clearance to fly, his work still needed my help.
Sometimes I am very dumb!
I keep thinking God needs my help. I did everything I know I should be doing during the day. I focus on the right issues; struggle to maintain appropriate balance in life, and work to stay away from things that are harmful to my body and soul. I am learning to relax more, get plenty of rest, and be a servant leader for my family. On many days everything I do is to bolster God work in my life and others!
Sometimes…
God does not need my help! God has taken care of everything we need. In fact, “God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does.” (Romans 3.27) God ask me to spend time with him learning about who he is.
It is time.
