The black bump on the stone wall I walked was a curiosity. What was it? Why was it there? Did it have a purpose or was it simply random? The questions went unanswered until the day I stopped and examined them from different vantage points.
The discovery of the answer triggered a surprising wave of emotions. I have a fear of heights. For me, when I am on the top of a building, a mountain top, or the edge of anything with height, a tsunami of fear, uncertainty, and doubts hits. When I was young, it was initially directed at others, fear for them. As I grew older, my fear expanded to include my physical being as well as my heart.
With my fears triggered a vantage point as a backdrop, a reflection sits with me as the day begins. My curiosity led me to my fears. In my willingness to understand my fears, I found myself in a new place of awareness. Today is a frame that brings the reflection to life.
One’s view, influenced by emotions, line of sight, and perspective at the moment, can trigger a way of emotions. In accepting my state of being and staying with my pursuit, I found myself in a place of understanding. I did not know if I would get to where I did. Uncertainty is a two-sided friend. It invites curiosity in for the journey even as it brings doubts and fears along for the ride. As I pushed through, I found myself aware, informed, and hopeful.
Emotions exist in a space of inequality. At any given moment, one may dominate. However, they are not all equal. Each has the weight and gravitas that I give it. Fear enjoys dominating my life. Equally so, with my embrace, Hope can vanish fear in an instant. When love, acceptance, and belonging are close, I am certain that “None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.” (Romans 8.37). In the evil versus good battle, light inevitably dominates the dark night of one’s soul.
I see today with Hope.
