The lingering awareness of awaking with no idea of time, place, or context continues to stay with me. There is nothing particularly morbid or sad about the awareness. Rather, there is a factual foundation that brings me to the present. Candidly, “we’ll see death soon enough. Everyone does. And there’s no back door out of hell.” (Psalm 89.48) The question between now and then for each is, “what now?”
As I consider the question, there is a quiet peace within. In the moment, I had no abilities of any kind. I could not will myself to be more alive than I was. I was unable to take control. There was no insight or understanding of the context I was in or the people around me. Even the sense of familiarity was missing. I awoke with a simple call to be present. What now?
For myself, I am left with a few mantras as guidance.
Being fully present in the moment one has. Normal events are indistinguishable from pivotal ones. Life’s fragility can play out at anytime and in ways we cannot predict. Wherever one finds one’s self is our stage and our opportunity.
Be thankful for the gifts that one receives. As bad as things may be, or as uncertain and frightening as it is, gifts of caring, compassion, and wisdom can be received, embraced, and treasured for what they are. As we receive and embrace the actions of others, one finds one’s self changed from the inside out.
Hear and respond to the call to live. Life is uncertain, often painfully so. Life is difficult, sometimes monumentally so. There are no guarantees of success or happiness. It may only be a whisper but it is a something we can choose to pay attention to. In the whisper I hear a call to be in three ways; present, willing, and intentional.
I am thankful for the opportunity to live. The small things – rain, gentle breezes, and the sounds of the morning remind me that it is a time for living full, completely, and in the moment.
