I am in the middle of a recurring conversation with a friend. Simplifying a complex and personal story would lead to the following extract from our conversation that seems to repeat itself.
“How are you really doing my friend?”
“I need to make a change! Life is getting the best of me”
“What do you need to change?”
“I am not sure. I am forever stressed. I do not get more than 4-5 hours of sleep each night. No matter when I go to bed, I am up by 5.30, unable to sleep more. And, my health habits need to change! I need at least at least one dry month.”
“When are you going to start?”
“I keep trying.”
To some, the “why” is obvious. Life as it is, is taking out more than it is giving. In short, he is dying within and it is taking its toll without. The unknown centers of how, when, and what.
When we first started this conversation, the why was obvious. Along the way, with repeated variations in our exchange, I have come to appreciate an observation that was made in passing.
“I am not sure what I really want.”
As I think about the challenge of the how and when of breaking the cycle of destruction, of what I might offer as a suggestion, I keep looping back to the why. In anything we do, is it sufficient to only have a why that centers on “me”? Is every real, life changing, life defining why in our lives tied to a story that is greater than just you or me?
When we get to the point where we echo the psalmist words, mouthing in our own way, “I’m feeling terrible – I couldn’t feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?” (Psalm 119.25) Are we asking Divinity to help us understand the “why” or simply jump into action?
Life is behaving like a three-year old in a repeated cycle of why. Why change? The answer always lies in the More beyond our heart and mind.
