In the intensity of the conversation, the hope of the individual on the point was clear. He wanted to be anywhere but where he was. He wanted to have what he had lost. He wanted what he imagined he had. There was no doubt in my mind that he had worked hard to get to the position where he found himself. Until a short time ago, it all seemed to be working! Then something changed. While I think he would pin in on an individual, as the eyes from outside, I think he missed the larger story. Everything had changed. While the signs were there, he missed them. He had not heard and did not understand the bigger story that he found himself in.
Now that he was here, you could see him moving from pride to need, confidence to uncertainty. The attitude of confidence looked liked a veneer that was all bluff. I could imagine his prayer; “Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye, so no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.” (Psalm 13.3, 4) Even as the words died, the harsh reality of time, place, and change relentlessly and silently thrashed his soul.
There is part of me that wants to take it all away. There are very few, if any, that one wants to experience pain and uncertainty. In this case, I do not think it is all of his doing. Yet, he will pay the price. His life will pivot in this moment in ways that he cannot imagine. The choices of today will linger long after he has moved on. At the moment, I am the face of the enemy. It has nothing to do with me. Another was there just weeks ago. I also know that someone will take my place shortly.
Life gives each a mixed bag. The outcome is not always of our choosing. Whatever the case, the key is what we do with it. The answer is incomplete.
