Sociologists remind me that I can, in any given moment with the right trigger, display any emotion that I have in my soul’s well. I may think I have things under control, but, when tweaked, anything can and does emerge! On the average day I tend to forget this fact. I think I have evolved. I am confident that things are under control. A recent tweak, as simple as a person carelessly opening their door to oncoming traffic and everything around them suddenly coming to a complete stop, brought an ugly side into clear view.
If I step away from the scene, I would describe the process of something emotionally exploding. Nothing was in proportion to the events. An act of ignorance or arrogance unleashed a deeply buried container of anger. Physically I reacted. Verbally he knew. It was short, but it was ugly. In hindsight, I did not see it coming and I was the one reacting! It was not a moment I want to remember.
Life is reminding me this morning. I have tried to block the memory but it keep replaying in vivid detail. The only subtitle that makes sense is one from David’s pen; “Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, cool your pipes – it only makes things worse.” (Psalm 37.8)
It is easy to think that with gray hairs and age comes a degree of maturity. Life’s reminder does not seem harsh or judgmental. Rather, it is a gentle reminder that the ugliness within is only displaced with beauty and wonder. Without being filled with more, one holds onto what one already has. There is a constant that is always changing with what we choose to feed ourselves.
Today I have the opportunity to feed myself with love, compassion, and mercy. In doing so I will change the mix of my soul. It is a wonderful freedom that has the potential to alter my path. I cannot change yesterday but I can learn from it and do something intentionally in the present. It is a great opportunity that I will seize.
