Several months ago I lost my aging iPod at the gym. It wasn’t special other than it worked. It was old and scraped up. The only good thing about it was that it functioned when called on, at least most of the time. The circumstances of losing it were 100% my fault.
As I checked with the lost and found, I knew it was highly unlikely that anyone would find it. The gym’s communication was less than clear. First I needed to wait a week. This was the normal cycle for laundry to go and come back along with anything found in the clothes. After a week, the line was that the iPod would have appeared in the first two days because the lost and found process has its own cycle. A third query confused everyone because the log appeared to be missing. There was no record that I had notified them that my iPod was missing.
The third interaction triggered something hidden within. My anger turned my cheeks red, my voice took on a strident, demanding tone, and, to be kind, I lost it. As I debriefed with the senior manager the next day, I blamed the lack of clear and consistent communication on my behavior. If only….I would not have, yet please accept my apology. Let’s put this behind us.
This was months ago. Recently I was encouraged to check again. Maybe, just maybe it had shown up. As a confusing conversation with the desk followed, the anger buried within resurfaced. Red cheeks, overwhelming emotions, and angry words followed. Paraphrasing my thoughts, “Burn down their houses, leave them desolate with nobody at home.” (Psalm 69.25)
As I reflect with embarrassment, Life reminds that letting go is not always east. Being aware that anger is hiding within is the first step in dealing with them.
Letting go is a choice but it requires more than just thinking. It requires a release of everything connecting with the event.
Unwanted guests sometimes return. Being alert and prepared to respond is part of the process of letting go.