I was confident. I could see the world in crisp black and white along with bright, vibrant colors. I knew what I didn’t know. Everything was a path waiting for me to conquer. My confidence had a foundation. It wasn’t just arrogance, though I don’t think I could see the line between assurance and ignorance. I had traversed deep valleys of despair, adversity had exceeded my limits, and yet I was moving in ways far greater than I ever imagined.
The lace of doubt, fear, and uncertainty was there twenty-seven years ago. I knew I was in over my head. Yet I was sure I could anticipate and dance with the challenges which would come. Relationships, commitments, and new beginnings were simply another chapter in the story.
My idiocy knew no bounds. I’m not sure anything has changed. As I look backwards and forward, my paths with Cherry and God are more similar than not. One prophets observation in a different context was an accurate commentary on my steps. “These people make a big show of saying the right thing, but their hearts aren't in it. Because they act like they're worshiping me but don't mean it, I'm going to step in and shock them awake, astonish them, stand them on their ears. The wise ones who had it all figured out will be exposed as fools. The smart people who thought they knew everything will turn out to know nothing.” (Isaiah 29.13, 14) Candidly, my heart wasn’t always in it. My knowledge wasn’t. Things were based and driven on pride.
I have and continue to be extremely fortunate. My God and best friend are extremely patience. I’m loved, cherished, and accepted for who and what I am. The combination provides a platform on which I embrace love, compassion, and mercy – letting them change me from the inside out.
This is an approach filled with the unknown. It’s also filled with peace, community, and the knowledge God is with each. With each new day I find myself whispering heart filled expressions of love, commitment, and intent.
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