There are days when the battle within dominates. I know the struggle between good and evil. I feel pulled between self and community. As much as I long for kindness, I find myself bearing witness to actions that are anything but. It is a battle being waged across many fronts. One front is within my heart and mind. I want to believe good is winning, yet fears, uncertainties, and doubts are dominating my thoughts.
Experience reminds me that this battle is real. Old words keep replaying themselves in my mind; “So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose?” (Romans 8.31). On one hand, there are reasons to be confident. I have seen beauty, witnessed love. I have experienced unconditional acceptance wrapped with compassion. I know what kindness looks like due to the gifts shared by others. At the same time, I know that I do not deserve this love.
I am a book title that tells me my life is a battle even before I pick it up. I have not earned the right to accept compassion. The scales that measure my contribution suggest I am still struggling to get to even. “How can we lose” is fighting a battle with “how can we win”.
There is a larger story to my life. My story is never about today, although today is important. My life is a book with over a thousand pages. It is long. At times, it is complex. It is a story that is part of a much bigger story. Before getting trapped in my fear, I can start with the larger story and the headline there. In the now, I am a child of Divinity. In the present, I am unconditionally recognised as a member of a community defined by kindness, care, and compassion. I am loved. Because I am loved, there will be a battle around that gift, around me.
Our battles do not define us. I am defined by Divinity. I am Divinity’s voice and action in the battle today. Carpe diem!
