As the sunset fades and darkness dominates, I realized that my nights are often filled with two extremes. One is the usual confrontation that comes when being alone and silent settles in. In this state, the unresolved confrontations within me come out to do battle. Truths versus myths, honesty versus imagination, and realities struggle to dominate each other. I find myself trying to hide, ignoring what I know to be true. It never works. The darkness is relentless. The battle rages on, defying my attempts to bring it under my control. My soul is on trial. I know I should engage, pick a side and choose a winner. Even as I know, I wonder about the greater story in your life and mine.
When things overwhelm, I find myself walking out onto the balcony. The view reintroduces part of the bigger story. The confining battle that dominated my senses just moments before is now put in context of a vibrant community, greater world, and cosmos that has Divinity as a resident.
I know many only see the city at rest. The bright lights of the shopping and business district are offset by Johor’s lights on the horizon and the soft darkness of the tropical forests around the reservoirs. This view reminds one that s/he is part of a larger community. Things are happening. People are living and dying, some are taking while others are giving. As important as you and I might be, we are part of something more.
I see this knowing that there is more. David’s whisper reminds me to look farther; “I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings.” (Psalm 8.3) In the realization that we are part of more, I realize there are more people in the family than I realize. There is more that I do not know than I do. More help, more compassion, and more mercy fill what I see as well as what I cannot.
The darkness can be a battleground. Last night, it was a door.