Unfulfilled promises sit, frozen in my memories. I try to move on, but they just rest where they came in, unable or unwilling to move. The expectation of an anniversary card marking year five or ten. My anticipation of a date to be in college that never happened. A potential car, it might have been one of the best. The decision to leave first company I worked for, then the second. Which creates more doubt? Was my biggest doubt in a choice here or there, in the major I concentrated on in college, or the frustration at never committing to anything in my youth?
My biggest doubt was and is with God. I cannot imagine why God does what he does. I find myself wondering if it is all or any of my beliefs are true. Will I wake up from this dream and find that it is all a myth? There is only one answer; act on my own to hedge the risk. I can do something, anything, to make sure that if the doubt becomes reality, I can protect myself!
God knows how bizarre and mysterious his gift appears. It is not logical, typical, nor predictable from a human point of view. The Evil one spends a lot of time making sure we realize just how risky it is to place one's life in something unseen, untouched, and unsure.
God does not need the bizarre. Solomon tells us that there is “no need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday's just around the corner, because God will be right there with you; he'll keep you safe and sound.” (Proverbs 3.25) God is with us; we can experience His presence, touch, and guidance. Assurance and confidence are part of his gift to us, if we accept.
I still do not know why God is what He is; but I am grateful. I have felt His touch, heard His voice, and sensed peace overwhelming my soul. The experience is tangible and life changing, if I choose to remember. Face your doubts; see God.