Something happened in my early twenties. I went from a confident young man willing to let go of whatever I was supposed to get done in order to have a good time to someone that could not let go, needing to deliver at all costs. I recognized something was happening. I could feel the change within me. I felt powerless. Since then, I have often wondered what happened. On top of the reflecting curiosity, a larger question goes unanswered; if I want to move forward, what do I need to do?
I can look back at the why in that period. I had reached a turning point in my understanding of who I was and where I belonged. My childhood thoughts had led to a path of cynical aloneness. In the midst of a challenging work period filled with long hours, stress, and training, I realized my vision of the future could only see darkness. I was headed to nowhere fast. In this darkness, the Spirit found me and introduced mercy, forgiveness, and rebirth. I experienced hope in a way I had never experienced hope before. In that moment, I knew I wanted what hope offered.
There are many ways to describe this hope. A wisdom father used different words to say what I saw. “Why do you think I keep risking my neck in this dangerous work? I look death in the face practically every day I live. Do you think I’d do this if I wasn’t convinced of your resurrection and mine as guaranteed by the resurrected Messiah Jesus?” (1 Corinthians 15.30)
Being driven was all consuming. With experience, Life reminds me that there is more to life than just reaching for hope. Life suggests that my mission includes nurturing and helping others on their journey. It involves being fully present in the moments that I have. In short, it is doing the stuff of hope!
Last night I found myself in a driven mindset. A new friend late for dinner reminded me that there is more in the moment; each is an opportunity.