It was a long day. Shortly after five I woke, knowing my alarm was going to go off early. It took me a moment to figure out what time it was. The process of coming to terms with the team also meant that I was not awake. Sleep left, driven off by anticipation for what was to come.
My early start was not an indicator of anything running on time. Lunch was two hours later than plan. A key meeting in the afternoon scheduled for thirty minutes ran close to three hours. While the conversations dragged out, the stories in each case were relevant. They needed to be told. I knew I had to listen.
At six, I thought my day was wrapping up. In hindsight, I was only half way through. Sometime past midnight, closer to one, I ran out of steam and calls to do. There was a sharp edge to my energy. Up until I was saying goodbye, I was in good shape. As I put the telephone back into its charger I realized I had nothing in the tank.
On reflection this morning with the benefits of sleep, I realize my words were honest, blunt, and to the point; “I’m on my last legs; I’ve had it – my life is a vomit of groans.” (Psalm 38.8)
I think I need more God chats like this. It is not about the length or lack of it. I am talking about my approach and attitude. There were three aspects I hope I can repeat in the future.
Honesty is a window to a potential conversation where we start with where we are. Imagination and mythology are pushed aside, and reality takes it place.
Bluntness is a form of permission to the one hearing. If I am blunt with you, I expect that you will be blunt with me. I may not like it, but I will not be surprised by it.
To the point is a statement of need and a plea for action.
In my exhaustion I gave God space to work.