As I categorize what I fear most there are several things fighting their way to the top. I try to let go but they keep getting back into the mix. I frequently give up and then take on the rationalization process to validate my doubts. In each case the fear centers on my ability to influence, help, and control the outcome of another’s life. The girls in my life fall into this category. You often are often in this space.
My fear and doubt always goes to the future. I wonder if your pursuit of God will keep you close to Her. I fear for the future when the choices others make are different from my own. I want to push myself in the middle when the values appear to be in a different order or weighting. In too many ways, my doubts are a reflection of my own uncertainty.
We have wondered through life this year with at least one ear open to what God is saying in our lives. We know that the impact of our personal ego and desire flaws our hearing; however, we do want to hear the Spirit’s voice in our lives. When I stop and actually take time to look reflectively, I can see the impact of this process!
God is working unconditional grace out in your life and mine, as well as in others. I do grant that our willingness to listen does determine the pace, however this does not imply that God is asleep. God’s ability to stay focused on His mission with full emotional and intellectual knowledge that we are weak and will continue to fail is a mystery that defies our full understanding. My fear reflects the difficulty I have in my own life in accepting what seems to be impossible.
God loves you, friends, and me with a permanent intensity that never fades. I fear but I also trust. Given God’s work, I can say in faith that “I’ve been completely satisfied with who you are and what you are doing.” (Romans 15.14)