I would love to be able to say that, with time, I have become a patient teacher and mentor. The obvious word reflecting the conflict between my values and reality is the word patient. I would love to be patient. I truly desire to have my soul the attributes attributable to one with patience. I long for the day without at least one example of where an opportunity to exercise patience wasn’t lost. So far the only thing that I know for certain is that I am, often at times, impatient.
Ironically I love to teach. The interaction is invigorating! The opportunity to pass values, insights, and learning to a new generation is something very exciting! Teaching is a moment in time that is always unique and the rewards surpass any effort required in between the start and finish! I find that in spite of my knowledge of the process and its rewards, in addition to the emotional belief in the process and all that comes with it, that I am often frustrated along the way!
I am not the only person that realizes just how frustrated I am. Others hear if beyond my words. Unfortunately the tone of my voice sends one message that is rather loud. And then there is my screaming, yelling, stomping body language that I am trying to hide. So far my efforts to control my non-verbal language have come to naught.
In the midst of this recurring personal nightmare I hear a whisper of God’s reflective conversation with me. “If I tell you things that are plain as the hand before your face and you don't believe me, what use is there in telling you of things you can't see, the things of God?” (John 3.12) I see my greatest frustration played out with my face and soul as the lead character in a recurring nightmare.
Just when things get darkest I find myself focusing on Divinity’s face and words that come next. You are my beloved. You are my child. You are priceless. Forgive yourself and be with me.