The email caught me off guard. The issue should have never gone beyond a question. If those that were in on the early part of the conversation had reached out for answers instead of answering, things could have been different. If someone had suggested that there might be a story, questions could have been raised instead of defenses. If anyone had looked to the footnotes to the approved funding request, they would have found answers.
If has many permutations. Unfortunately, none of them applied in this case.
As my emotions swirled, I took a deep breath. Taking the right action is often my second choice. In multiple situations, one man’s action reflects a common model. “Felix shilly-shallied. He knew far more about the Way than he let on, and could have settled the case then and there. But uncertain of his best move politically, he played for time.” (Acts 24.22)
I would like to say that I have never walked this path, however that would be far from the truth. It is natural to consider the politics of the situation before making one’s choice. It is easier to be expedient than it is to always stand for what is right. Rationalizing what is best often trumps what is correct.
The exception comes with what I call heart. Heart means that one strives for truth in the face of obstacles. Heart calls one to mountaintops knowing that the path up will take its toll. Heart is the willingness to pause, reflect, and still take the tough decision.
I wonder about the times I have played for time. Was I looking for a better answer or the easier one? Did I let the easy path trump the harder one? Am I willing to stand for what I say I most value?
As my breathing became more regular, I found myself reaching for Hope. In the effort, I found myself surrounded by a Spirit of the possible. It may be hard, but it is worthy. It may not be obvious; I know I am looking for this answer.