At some point between our infant years and becoming adult, we begin to filter those with access to our life. I wondered what drives the process. In politics one points to a slip of the tongue, some type of gaff, or fight over policy. In sports, recent performance is the only thing that counts; loyalty, history, and pedigree can and will be tossed if they even slightly get in the way of winning. In personal relationships we tend to move from inclusiveness towards isolation. It is as if we have an inbuilt set of requirements and filters shaping the criteria for those with access to our lives versus the others we put behind a barricade.
I wonder what the driver is for our person. Is it protection? Could control and manipulation shape the criteria? Are winning, status and power, all that matters? As I reflect on the externals in my life and others, I find the primary driver always defensive. Early on we were hurt by those close to us and it was very painful! We didn’t feel accepted. We were not nurtured. As a result, barriers were constructed so we could survive. During the process it was a dark time – scary, lonely, and uncertain. It seems as if we would never survive. Yet, most do.
With the passage of time I have come to accept the limitations I have on my ability to allow everyone on the inside. The world isn’t safe. People can be very dangerous. Insiders and trust are soul mates yet danger always lurks.
Even in the strongest leaders there are those who are insiders. I have them in my life and so do you. I find it interesting to see how John noted the difference in behavior. “One of the disciples, the one Jesus loved dearly, was reclining against him, his head on his shoulder.” (John 13.23) Intimate, affection, and potentially risky are attributes of those closest to us. I look at the dawn and wonder who is on my “insider” list. God is top; he is the one safe one.
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