Today feels odd. The good news is that I am not alone. Yesterday was a major holiday the world over. Tomorrow is the first day of a weekend. Do I throw myself into the New Year’s work and all that goes with it? Alternatively, do I take it easy for just into one day knowing that it will come with two others? What is the best choice given everything at hand?
Even as I write about the whispers that unfolded, candor demands that I remind you I am writing with the benefit of some hindsight. On the day I wrestled with the questions, weighing and balancing the demands at hand, potential upsides and downsides, and abilities and energy levels. There were unlimited ways to look at things. Initially I could not find any priority among the competing possibilities. Candidly, the obvious was screaming at me for attention. With equal candor, “I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence.” (Psalm 73.22)
My reconstructed hand, taking care of it, giving my body space and time to do its part in the healing process was paramount. Nothing else was as critical. In the end, the pain and emotional drain that came with it made the decision for me. As much as I wanted to do something, I could not find the heart energy to put it into action.
Looking back, I love the fact that Life took charge. My healing is ahead of schedule thanks in part to my response on this day and others that followed. It is a great reminder that there are whispers of insight and direction in every day. My confidence in knowing what is best for others as well as my self is misplaced. You and I live in the context of a story that is larger than either of us can imagine.
On this day I left go, letting myself live within a story that I did not fully understand. My doctor revealed part of the larger narrative; “Your healing is ahead of schedule. Whatever you are doing, do more.”
