In recent years, perhaps because of the natural reflection that comes with one’s fifth decade, I have come to value the bleak darkness of life. Admittedly, I still hate being anywhere near darkness. It is depressing. It has an iciness that comes with a sense of abandonment and aloneness. It is a brutal, cannot deny, reflection of the underbelly of being alive. Most of my thoughts in this space reflect a reality of feeling powerless.
There is a yet and but that follows. Darkness is a terrible place for anyone to be. It can be debilitating. Yet, it is also the place where I connect with God. It is the state of being that opens my heart to Divinity’s touch and embrace. It is here that I wrestle with the demons that stalk me. It is here that I let go, crying out in agony and despair, only to realize that God has never left me. The Spirit wants to heal my heart and soul. God is lurking, ready to act when I am ready for receive the action.
I find myself thinking of others before me that have written about the dark night of the soul. As I think of their words, I realize that their insights, observations, and guidance are more than just words to me. They are the glue that God has used to put me back together. Old observations ring true; God is “ready to come to their rescue in bad times; in lean times he keeps body and soul together.” (Psalm 33.19)
The glue of our hearts does not need to be temporary fixes. God offers to restore and renew us. It begins in the darkness and carries on into the light. It is a promise that we can experience now. Words of hope change us from the inside out. Insights can create windows of opportunity. Darkness often feels overwhelming. When I find myself in it, Life reminds me that embracing what God has and is doing for me is the best thing I can do in moving towards the light.