I wish I could say that I did not behave in patterns; that every day was a fresh new experience of yet more mercy, compassion, and acceptance. I long for the respect and honor that comes with day in, day out consistent patterns of smiles, encouragement, and hope. I long for something I do not have and often appear to recognize with an intensity permeating to the center of my soul.
I could easily blame my lack of sleep. For the last few nights I have operated on the bare minimum to keep going. Late flights and dinners squeeze precious time that would normally be reserved to sleeping. Then a night with just a few hours of sleep followed by twenty-five hours of flying, meetings, more flying, more dinners, and finally a minor collapse. Blaming others, in fact anything else for my patterns of failure is very easy, in fact I find it to be one of the most natural ways of responding to a situation; imprinted behavior in many ways.
Yet the pattern goes beyond being tired. In fact I would gently suggest now that I have had an awesome, incredible, and amazing seven hours of sleep that the lack of sleep merely provides the excuse for the behavior to emerge. The bad news is that the pattern is part of the “real” me! The reality also is that you can “pound on a fool all you like — you can’t pound out foolishness.” (Proverbs 27.22)
The rhetorical question often asked in India now sits in my reflection; “But what to do?”
The answer is that something or someone must break the cycle. I can take the courageous and bold step of recognizing the pattern and asking others for mercy but that will not break the pattern. The key lies in your and my relationship directly with the Divine.
Give what we have as an offering. This includes our focus, energies, and purpose.
Attempt to see and experience the Divine in every part of life.
Freely let the Divine change our souls from the inside out.