I cannot recall be as angry. I should have known that the new spirit of teamwork was not going to last. I could have anticipated that one or more facets of our humanness would show itself in our relationships sooner rather than later. The warning signs were there, was I intentionally playing the role of a simpleton.
I also wanted to assume the best. I hoped that things had moved into a new framework shaped by trust, openness, and candid dialogue. My response was less than optimal. First, I bit my lip in an attempt to absorb the accusation filled conversation. Second, I tried to rationally respond in a manner that I believed was candid yet forceful, transparent yet accountable to everyone involved, and open however still responsible for my committed goals. I held up through the first wave. When the second barrage hit I partially lost it. To be kind most of what was said was not public.
Taking a walk, moderating the hormones flooding through my body with slow and deep breathing, and reflecting mentally on my priorities and values helped mitigate the raging flood of emotions filling my soul. Even after that a fire of anger still burned bright. I then unloaded in a conversation that was a best too direct, too crisp, and directly accountable.
I may have covered the first part of the proverb but I lost sight of the plat. The path was and could be as follows. “A God-loyal person will see right through the wicked and undo the evil they’ve planned.” (Proverbs 21.12) I caught the evil but did I do anything more than call evil for what it was? I can still work to undo the evil they have planned! There is an opportunity to respond fully and completely.
This will happen again. It happens on a regular basis to everyone. The question is not if or when it happens but what is my response? It is in this response that we have the opportunity to rediscover God. Now is the time to discover a new reality.