There comes a point when you cannot take another step. Your body, soul, and intellect are beyond full. You are finished, kaput, done, over, and lost. Runners describe it as a wall. I’ve found the wall in two places of my life. First, when I push too hard on my bicycle. Second, in the heat of a negotiation, business discussion or deadline, or personal commitment, I find myself in a place no person should ever be; totally exhausted, unable to make rational decisions, and focused only on fighting the headache and demons within.
Last night I hit the wall. I realized I was approaching the barrier in the middle of an intense discussion with my partners and their legal counsels. The meeting had already dragged on beyond our expectations. I knew my stability, presence of mind, and attitude were critical. I was on the verge of losing all three. As I called on every reserve I had, I also went searching for the Spirit.
My life isn’t unique. In different ways life extracts its toll from every heart, soul, and mind. We struggle to deal with the loss of friends, future uncertainties, and the doubts of the moment. Life has far too many wicked problems with no solutions. I’m not sure what your state of being is like, likely it is like mine, fragile.
I found myself seeking quiet, a willingness to sit in a state of contemplation, and sleep. In the morning after I find God has come and rested on my heart. I’m amazed with the gifts I find in my life – love of family, acceptance of friends, gifts of mercy and grace by the communities in which I live. Even more I find myself resting in the beauty and wonder of God. I sense Isaiah’s words; “The people God has ransomed will come back on this road. They'll sing as they make their way home to Zion, unfading halos of joy encircling their heads, welcomed home with gifts of joy and gladness as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.” (Isaiah 35.10)
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