“Thanks you [God] for your love, thank you for your faithfulness; most holy is your name, most holy is your Word.” Psalm 138.2b
When I get tired, I begin to make extraordinarily dumb decisions. Choices that normally are black and white become gray. Crisp alternatives become puzzles that one cannot easily solve. Life becomes a messy mud puddle with no options for staying clean.
I realized long ago that even on a good day my own abilities to stay disciplined were at best, weak. My mind wants to one way, my heart another, and responsibilities pull towards yet a third. I cannot solve my own problems! I do not really know what to do with my life. I find the future puzzling and dark, which in turn creates fear, uncertainty, and a tendency towards being melancholy and depressed.
Put the two situations together easily results in big trouble for me. I think the outcome is what happens to all of us when we face intense stress. The results are easy to predict. Bad choices, decisions that hurt those close to us, with results that continue to haunt well into the future.
In desperation, I gave up, totally. I gave up trying to be a better person, I resigned from all attempts to do “good” things, and I abandoned the hope of making myself a better person. I gave up and gave in just as completely to God. Second, I asked him to change me from the inside out. Third, I ask God to override my will and do take any (and all) actions required in order to fulfill my passionate commitment to be in relationship.
When I actually meant what I said, I discovered a new phenomenon – God’s faithfulness. God is faithful beyond comprehension, especially in tough times. The experience is awesome yet humbling, terrifying, and quieting all at the same time.
If you want a life changing experience with God, do not wait. Give it up and seek Him with every ounce of energy that you have. Life will change forever; so will your stress!
