As I child, I grew up using a term of respect for anyone of my father or grandfather’s generations. My father’s peers were all Uncles and Aunts, my grandfather’s Grandpa or Grandma. Over the years, time led me to believe that the tradition had passed. The longer I am in Singapore, the more I realize it is still alive.
Initially I did not react well when I was introduced as Uncle Bill. My reaction was triggered by a denial of age (yes, I know I am), and role. Even as I began to react, I stopped myself. The introduction contained coded messages. There was the obvious respect your elder message to the young kid. Yet, I also heard more. Embedded in the introduction was an invitation to be an extension of the parent’s eyes, ears, and heart in the children’s life. I had the opportunity to care. Additionally the young man was being told that he could trust me to look out for him.
I realized my introduction was a call for my best. In the awareness I rediscovered my thirst for civil discourse. Conversation trumps ideologies. We always have a choice with others. I remember stories of politicians from both sides of the aisles having dinner together – respectfully discussing and at times debating the merits of the other’s view. Even when the disagreements were close to their hearts, the conversation began and ended with mutual respect.
I have thought of this way of working with each other as fleeting development of the modern era. As I read history, I realize that the model was established across every generation. One writer notes that “the Archangel Michael, who went to the mat with the Devil as they fought over the body of Moses, wouldn’t have dared level him with a blasphemous curse, but said simply, ‘No you don’t. God will take care of you!’” (Jude 1.9) As obvious as the debate was, respect trumped.
I miss the uncles, aunts, and grandpas that have passed. I can honor their memories by being the best that I can be.
