The first moments I remember of consciousness after surgery were pure bewilderment! Of course, like many patients the first moments I remember were not the first ones where I was talking and interacting with those around me. It seems that I had some less than glorious moments witnessed by Cherry and Carli, something about bathrooms, climbing out of my gurney, and needing restraints. God and a generous dose of drugs from my English Doctor have graciously blocked these moments from my repeated attempts to retrieve. I woke expectation a continuation of the moment I knew just before.
Life does not always work sequentially. God, at times, jumps ahead, taking care of business before we even ask. God is working even when we are not. Evil prospers in spite of or perhaps motivated by the presence of good. As a result, the moment at hand can be very different from what one expects! In my case, I expected to be getting ready for surgery. In reality, I was done. Everything that was to be future was now past. The community I had committed myself to went ahead and acted in good faith. Whatever was to come was now.
I wish I had the presence of Peter. In his case, he “went down and said to the men, 'I think I'm the man you're looking for. What's up?'” (Acts 10.21) Metaphorically, the message was clear. I am open to the present. Everything is possible. I am here, available, and ready.
God and my ICU nurse were a great team. They had no need to correct my confusion. I was comforted and told that I was her focus. They did not attempt to fill in yesterday's gaps. Everything was about the moment at hand. They had little interest in what might be in the future. Life's fulcrum was the here and now.
Every moment in life is a mini-awakening. I may lose the intense awareness of coming out of surgery, yet I want to remember the intensity of God's presence in the moment at hand. God is forever present.
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