It has been two days since surgery. The pain is subsiding. The swelling is beginning to reduce. With the first Doctor follow-up, I can see a path for recovery. As he walked me through the pictures of my surgery, it was clear that surgery was required. While the procedure would have ideally been done right after the accident, looking forward is the best thing I can do for myself. I know there will be good days as well as bad ones. I understand that I will face one or more setbacks. This is not going to be an easy road, but there are reasons for hope.
One reason for hope is that yesterday’s nightmare has vanished. I find myself wishing I had listened and sung the Chris Rice song where he admits that looking back on the eighth grade is fantastic because at least he knew he was going to make it through. Today I look back on Monday and find myself in the middle of an old Psalm; “We wake up and rub our eyes…nothing. There’s nothing to them [nightmares]. And there never was.” (Psalm 73.20)
As I sing off key, enjoying the irony embedded in the song and my imagination, I realize that yesterday’s nightmares are merely prequels to the ones I have today. On good nights I find myself wrestling with my fears, struggling in the darkness for control of my soul. Bad days are marked by Evil notching up another win. For now the battle continues, almost as if I am unwilling to move on.
The lesson I can see centers on how the nightmare continues in an ever changing way. I thought it was unique at the time. I see now that it is merely a variation. I thought my life was at risk. While it was, given the hidden dangers in every day, life is always fragile. The darkness seemed overwhelming. Today’s dawn helps me realize that it is always darkest just before the light.
My prayer is that you and I always see the dawn, even in our darkness.