I have struggled for a week to relearn how to do everything with my left hand. The reconstruction surgery on my right hand essentially took it out of service for an indefinite time period. During the first few days post op, the most I could do is move with care and concern. It has been awhile since I have had to deal with this level of enduring pain! The meds helped take the edge off of the experience, however I think I still received a full measure of my body’s response to the repair work.
As I look back on the preparation I can see how real the nightmare was. For reasons I do not understand, I came to Monday morning as an unwilling participant in an unending nightmare. Everything that could go wrong in my imagination replayed itself again and again. From my body rejecting the anesthesia to the Doctor forgetting what to do next was frighteningly real. With each twist, “in the blink of an eye, disaster! A blind curve in the dark, and – nightmare!” (Psalm 73.19)
I mustered the courage to go into the surgery suite accompanied by an unwelcomed friend, Fear. He refused to leave! He stayed with me, pushing others aware with an intensity that reminded me of war. It was ugly and dark, mixed in a way that I could not ignore or escape.
Now that I am on the other side of the darkness, I wonder what I am going to do with the other dark spots in my mind. Life reminds me that I need to embrace three starting points.
Acknowledging what is a part of one’s life is the first step. This action frees the good and identifies the bad.
Demons and angels are real. One gets to choose one’s partners as well as one’s adversaries. Making the choice is the step of many.
Waking up is a moment of hope that can give birth to more. Celebrate and getting on with the stuff of living must follow if one wants to leave the nightmare behind.
