With a certain sequence of events, I anticipate its arrival. I may have had surgery, however I still face the joys of chronic sinusitis. Last night was another classic replay. I knew the dehydration of a few days ago would catch up. I could easily imagine what something was going to happen in the next few hours. My fears about the symptoms were so strong that I thought I was in the middle stages of playing a hypochondriac.
Last night the fears came true. I woke with the splitting headache, blocked sinus, and nowhere to go. Sitting with my head under a towel sniffing hot steam, I found myself buried in pity and pride. Deadlines that I would never meet. Commitments to people that are just going to wait a bit longer. I sat expressing Solomon's complaint; “My life is ruined! I haven't one blessed thing to show for my life!” (Proverbs 5.13)
I sit in the stillness of the coming dawn and look around. I hear the birds discussing the coming day with a sense of anticipation and excitement. Their quiet calls echo between the trees and buildings. The sky is slowly transforming itself from dark ink into a bright new beginning. In this quietness, I hear God's whisper to you and I.
“I have given you everything, just say yes.”
“There is so much to live for, so much yet to do!”
“I am so glad that you are my friend and child. I love you more than you will ever realize. Thanks for coming home this morning.”
“Come here child. Let me tell you all the ways you are special.”
God, I have done so many things I now regret. I need to clean up before I can be with you.
“No, come here and rest. You will find yourself clean when you leave. I always want you just as you are. Let me take care of everything.”
Pity is my cry of self-reliance. I cannot win by my own doings, so I cry out for comfort and encouragement. God is my answer.