Yesterday brought me back to reality. I approached the day dedicated, focused, and God-attentive. My time with God brought a strong sense of the Presence and along with Him waves of rest, peace, and energy.
First, my computer began a slow death spiral, beginning with an inability to link with the web. Second, I fell into old patterns of behavior, although I tried to will myself into discipline. My frustration with my self and things beyond my control quickly began to spill into the rest of my heart.
Brian's words in a song flooded my unrest. “I am a child of forgiveness, of love, and of riches…” My place in the scheme of things became perfectly clear. “When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's.” (Romans 8.11)
God knew I would lose sight of Him during the day, yet He came anyway. God understood the level of anger and frustration that is such a part of the “I” side of me. He response is direct and life changing. God refuses to let behavior change His approach! He despises my failures with an intensity I recognize. He loves me as His son with a passion I long for in my own relationships.
I found my place yesterday, right where God always intended I should be. I realized that my old life is truly dead – even as I still try to cling to it at times. I found God's arms constantly around me, working acts of love and mercy so consistent and steady that I pause as I scribble these words on paper. It hurts to realize just how frequently my own needs and wants consume those around me that I love dearly. I see the missed opportunities and wonder if they will come again. I know all this and at the same time I know that I am God's child.
You are one of God's children.