I should know better. I know the results will haunt for a long time, but I cannot seem to help myself! Sometimes even the obvious is not so obvious in the heat of the battle.
Yesterday I repeated a scene that has played itself out again and then yet again. I found myself in the heat of battle, under attack, and I defended myself for all I was worth. My frustration was obvious. My pain and anguish out on the table in plain sight. In the end, there was nothing that I was going to say or do that was going to make a difference. Everyone on the call had made up his and her minds before our conversation started. My evaluation; I forgot my values and priorities and was caught up in the moment of the battle.
As I look at the scene, the working relationships of yesterday morning are now fragile and weak. The scene is a repeat of many that we get involved in; taxi drivers that try to take us for a ride, merchants ripping us off, and friends forgetting about their commitments. It is too easy to stand up and defend one's territory. Rational behavior is quickly forgotten when one life or livelihood are threatened or questioned. We repeat yesterday's performance too many times because it is hard to think in the middle of the fight.
“Don't you see what happens, you simpletons, you idiots? Carelessness kills; complacency is murder.” (Proverbs 1.32) Is protecting one's turf worth this?
I would be the last one to assume to be judge over any situation. I have no idea of what alternative could have solved every nuance of the fight yesterday. I do know that in the end, the various participants on the call did not see the values I hold dear. Compassion? Not a chance! Unconditional acceptance? No way! Nurture and support? Zip!
I cannot wind yesterday back, nor can you. We can work to repair the damage and look to God for help in dealing with the present. We have a choice.