Step One

Each step I take is, for me, uncharted.  I had a firm grasp on the path to surgery.  The cautions, consultations, and regimes were well documented and relatively easy to follow.  When I spoke with the various experts, comparing their words with research, up to the surgery things were very clear.  Then came ifs, maybe, and potentially.  The lead consultant had a clear vision of the future, but the future was at least one year away. 
For reasons I still do not grasp, for once in my life I let go.  I think the Spirit must have pulled me into this position.  I know it is not as natural as I wish it would be!  I walked into a new chapter, willing to experience whatever was going to unfold.  Now that I am in the middle of “it”, I find that I have no more idea of what is next than I did when I started.  It is a wonderful sense of bewilderment, confusion, and candidly awe.
When Peter found himself confronted by the unknown, he asked others involved with the circumstances what was going on.  I am not sure their answers clarified the situation.  Their response often reflects the reality of where you and I are presently.  “They said, 'Captain Cornelius, a God-fearing man well-known for his fair play-ask any Jew in this part of the country-was commanded by a holy angel to get you and bring you to his house so he could hear what you had to say.'”  (Acts 10.22) 
In short, we are in the moment at hand.  We are here to engage, to live, to take one step.  Just what that step is, ah, the challenge of being completely and fully present!  I know the questions that haunt my life.  Am I here or somewhere else?  Am I willing to trust compassion and community or do I fall back on relying on justice and self?  Can I do what is right if it means letting go of the outcome? 
My step is to let go.  God give me courage.