I feel older but not for the reasons that you might suspect. No, my joints are fine and I do not have any unusual aches and pains. No, my energy level is that same as it has been for some time. And, no it isn’t my outlook on life. Everything on the living front is moving along quite nicely; in fact, I still feel the way I remember feeling when I began working in San Francisco twenty-five years ago. The awareness of my age comes from a different source; simple conversations about running with Whitney.
Whitney already runs as fast in eighth grade as I did when I was training at the peak for my first marathon. I was much younger at that time. Now I do not even dare to imagine being able to run that fast. She is also playing basketball and interested in learning how to jump higher. I used to easily touch the rim. Not today. In fact I cannot get within 12 inches of the rim! Age has caught up with me.
I know I am not as strong as I used to be. In fact, I’m aware that I was never as strong as I thought I was. I know that my physical strength may have been there, but mentally there were weak points that I worked overtime convincing myself did not exist. Yet in hindsight I can see that they were there.
Each has points of weakness, no matter how conditioned we are. For example, “we’re blasted by anger and swamped by rage, but who can survive jealousy?” (Proverbs 27.4) We’re strong and stalwart during the day, but who can stand to answer the questions of the night? We push forward towards our hopes and goals, but who supplies new hope when our supplies run low?
The biggest difference between yesterday and today is that I know the limitations of my strength. My will to win is stronger with the reality of my limitations. The answer is not within! My hope and strength rest with the source, Divinity itself.